We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
