I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
