I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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