I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
