the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
