Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
