how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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