In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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