I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
