Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
we should paint friendship bongs
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