and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
