He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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