I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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