You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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