YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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