Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
