I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
