Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
