Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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