Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
