I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
50% drunk capacity currently
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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