im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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