he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
