If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
