My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
