Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
