what day is it and did you see me today?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
