tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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