P.S. I can't hear my feet
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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