It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
