I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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