I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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