Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Did I show you my penis last night?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
