That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
