Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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