And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
