Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
