i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
