question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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