??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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