Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
