pedialite and red bull = repair kit
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
