This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
