Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
