I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
