i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
