I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
