oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
