We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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