So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
