she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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