there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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