You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
