didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
