yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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