3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
