He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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